Wednesday, July 14, 2004

It Felt So Good

Today was my first full day back to work after a three-week medical leave. WOW! To experience being productive, useful and purposeful again was staggering. To finally feel like I’ve healed enough that my broken brain isn’t dictating and consuming all of my existence. Beginning the process of starting my “new” normalcy. And yes, I’m purposefully not using the control word--or saying I’m back in control--because I believe that control is an illusion in life. I simply try to make the best decisions I can with what life presents me with. I’m a much happier person with this philosophy.

I’ve also been having tons of fun rediscovering my independence. I’m not ashamed to admit how much fear I had traveling all by myself yesterday. Yesterday was the first time I’ve been on my own since my brain broke--with no one to lean on “Just in case.” I acknowledged my fear, turned it over to whatever is greater than I, and had a excellent time traveling alone. And although, I’m missing my Turtle desperately (already), I think these 5 days, standing alone on my own two feet, is going to help my psyche immensely.

My feelings are still whirling when I think back over my day today. I drove. I worked. I fed myself. I took care of myself. I’ll give myself my injection. Woo hoo….I’m starting to be a living, breathing, functioning human being again. And just three weeks again, I couldn’t even dial a telephone to wish my nephew happy birthday. Wow, what a difference a day makes to quote a horrible cliché. It’s almost been as cool as when I turned 21 and was could marvel in the fact that I was officially an adult.

Today’s Happy Accident to celebrate: Rediscovering my independence, like an 18-year-old all over again!


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