Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Copaxone Jitters

So, my Copaxone was supposed to be here today but of course Murphy’s Laws have to set in when I’m attempting to get things done on a time frame. So, I’m PROMISED that my Copaxone will be here by 10:30 a.m. tomorrow, which leaves me a half an hour wiggle room before I have to leave for the airport to go to a wedding this weekend. And I’m going to this wedding, damn it!

On top of being completely stressed that the medication won’t make it here on time, I’m jonesing to start the Copaxone. (Copaxone is the autoimmune suppressant drug that I’ve chosen to help make sure that my broken brain doesn’t become more broken.) First, because I want to give my body every edge in battling the MS and second because I would like to have 4-5 days to see what type of reactions I’ll have to the medication prior to returning to work.

For the most part I’m keeping my thoughts positive and upbeat. I’m doing positive visualizations reinforcing a healthy normal functioning brain; but every now and again the image of my body attacking itself creeps into the forefront of my broken brain and I kinda freak out. The loss of control of such a normal function that we take for granted and mine has decided to go haywire and attack itself. I’m mean what the fuck, the world beats me up enough all on its own, I don’t need to help it any. I can't even cut myself some slack...sheesh!

Okay, happy accident to celebrate from tonight’s freak out: Because of my broken brain, I’m learning to love myself more and not beat myself up so much. I think this is such a good happy accident to celebrate that I'll carry it over to tomorrow as well!


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