Wednesday, June 30, 2004

My Horoscope For The Week

I was going to post more of an update, but think this pretty much says all that needs to be said for today.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I propose that you conduct a radical experiment for the next three weeks. Between now and July 22, try on the theory that life is on your side. Assume that all of creation is conspiring to give you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. At least once every day, speak these words with passionate sincerity: "I believe that reality is a sublime comedy staged for my education and amusement, and that there is a benevolent conspiracy to liberate me from my ignorance and help transform me into the unique masterpiece I was born to be."

For the coolest horoscopes ever, visit Rob Brezny at

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

It's Official

My Brain is officially broken. I'm really not willing to label myself by saying that I have an incurable disease, that I'm sick, ill, or dying; so, let's just suffice to say that my brain is a little broken and I'll be taking some medicine to help it not get any worse from now on.

With that said....I definitely have Multiple Sclerosis (I wonder if I'll ever be able to spell it?) and I'm considered to be relapsing/remitting, which is the best possible scenario.

It has been a whirl wind day and my head is still spinning trying to absorb all the information, so I'll post more of the 411 tomorrow.

Thank you all for the loving thoughts these past few days....It has really helped me get through!

Mommies Are The Coolest

Many moons ago I had some cosmetic surgery done. My mom took care of me for about three days after the surgery. At one point she gave me a sponge bath and half way through it got REAL painful. I started pleading, "Mommy can we stop, please Mommy, I just want to go back to bed Mommy." She told me later that she knew I was really hurting when I reverted back to calling her Mommy like I did when I was a little girl.

It just dawned on me that I've been calling my Mom, Mommy most of this week. I guess that's the little girl in me feeling enveloped in loving, protecting arms keeping the big bad world at bay. Thanks Mommy!

Eye Blink

I woke up just now with my heart racing and tears in my eyes. I rolled over and snuggled closer with my beautiful Turtle love and cried. I'm so scared about what today could bring, how bad will it be?

I have always found it surreal how your life reality can change in the blink of an eye and I really wish that I didn't have time to ponder my blink. Nine and a half more hours before the blink happens for me.....I just want the eye blink to happen.

At 1:00 pm today I will get the definitive diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis although my neurologist is already 95% sure that's what I have. Hopefully today I will know what category/stage/type of MS I have, my prognosis, treatment options and basically what my life will look like moving forward. There is so much hope if I'm facing the best case scenario and everything in me is screaming that I will be getting great news today, but it really pisses me off that I can't get that little seed of doubt to leave the very depths of my soul.

I've done fairly well at turning this over to whatever is greater than me: God, creative energy, the light....I'll just sit with turning the fear over as well. I Know that I'm so surrounded by love and so many people are holding me up in prayers, light and love that the only possible result for today is good! I believe it with all my essence, and maybe there is even a chance that I don't have MS and this past 5 days has been a bad dream. I can foster a little hope in my heart, right?

Nine more hours to go before the blink...

Monday, June 28, 2004

Dying Body

It's really weird knowing that there is a disease running around my central nervous system slowly killing me. Knowing that there is no cure and my best bet is simply to slow down the progression of the illness. This really brings new meaning to the "We're all one day closer to death" expression.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

The Big News

Howdie all - I've just been diagnosed with MS and decided to create a blog so that family and friends have an easy place to go to read the latest whatnot and happenings.

More post to follow after I have fun setting this all up.