Black To Gray

Well, my mood is improving marginally. It's no longer black more like a slate gray. The weekend has been too short and I'm feeling pretty drained. I did'nt study as much as I wanted too, but I did spend lots of time with River at the dog park. I always feel calmer when I'm with my Turtle love or River, and the best is when we're all together.

A New Toy

I just got a new laptop that is also a tablet PC. It's the coolest! I'm writing this by hand and it converts it into text for me. No more typing on a little itty bitty laptop keyboard. AND, the input program learns my handwriting as times goes by.

Happy Accident: New toys

Blah, blah, blicky, blah

It's been a very difficult week. I quite stupidly, stopped taking my prozac cold turkey. I didn't stop crying for two days. Today my period started, which basically means I triple whammied myself by quitting the prozac, while PMS'ing. UGH!!!

My right knee has really been plaguing me. It keeps buckling on me and I keep falling. I had an MRI this afternoon and as I was driving home had a minor panic attack. I'm in fear that the orthopedist is going to call me with really bad news, just like my neurologist did after the first MRI of my brain.

Turtle has assured me that he can think of no reason why they would need to amputate my leg, but the irrational thought keeps running through my broken brain.

Mostly, I've been super pissed off. I had to work very hard to learn good coping skills and how to take care of myself in loving ways when these dark moods hit me. Now, because of my broken brain, I can't do them. For instance, I can't bawl my eyes out in a steaming hot shower. My knee is such a mess, I can't spend spend 45 minutes on the stair master exhausting the anger out of me.

I feel like a petulant five-year-old because I just keep pouting and stubbornly say NO to trying new things. I just don't want to yet, it just feels like too much to give up and too many changes.

So, this week the happy accident I'm celebrating is self-pity. Which, I typically hate. But since having a moment hasn't been enough, I'll indulge in a few days and then move on.

Beastie Madness

Did I tell you that the feline beasties have taught River the joys of shredding toilet paper. Especially when a full roll of tp has been freshly placed in the holder?

Nothing like coming home to tp confetti ALL over the house. {{giggles}} The beasties are adorable even when they're naughty!

My Horoscope For The Week

I'm loving this one!! Woo hoo, money. Yeah me!

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Is it too late for you to make another New
Year's resolution? Not according to my astrological analysis. In fact, I
think it's a perfect time to conjure up a few resolutions with financial
themes. Try saying this one aloud, Cancerian, and see how it feels: "I
resolve to win the lottery this year." Or how about this: "I resolve to find
wads of hundred-dollar bills that careless drug dealers have accidentally
dropped on the sidewalk." Here's another that might suit you: "I resolve
to make a fortune on eBay by selling deeds to real estate on the planet
Venus." If none of those feels quite right, try this: "I resolve to spend the
coming weeks filling the holes in my understanding about how to
generate, save, and invest money."

Emails

I love it when I get emails from people who have stumbled upon my site. Reading the kind notes always brings a huge smile to my face and warms me up inside!

Today's Happy Accident: Random acts of kind emails from others.

Magical Panacea...Not

Okay, so maybe I was a little naive to think that the stroke of midnight on Jan 1st would be a magical panacea and everything would be right with the world. Actually, it was pretty anticlimatic.

It's been a good start to the New Year, even though everything isn't magically better. Things are still feeling pretty peaceful at my core, which is mostly much what I strive for.