Slowly Forgiven

Cirque is starting to demand attention again. She even cuddled in my lap (a little crudginly) and purred LOUD with the canine usuruper in Turtle's lap right next to her. Then she played with me, playing her favorite game of fetch with her mousie. Of course River had to horn-in on the action, steal the mousie, and completely destroy it in about 3 seconds.

Today's Happy Accident: Holding onto the hope that Cirque will forgive me and once again reign supreme over the household from my lap.

Hi Mommy

Today you're my Happy Accident. Cuz I was born to you!

Fable

Hours of addictive fun!

My Bandages

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I decided that if I had to give myself a shot everyday, that I should at least be able to have some fun with it. Wah-laaa...I found Nexcare Cool Tattoo bandages. Everyday I get a cute bandaide to help take away the sting. Did you notice the Princess one, yup that's me!

Today's Happy Accident: Learning to have fun with a broken brain.

Thank You Hope

Dear Hope -

Wow, your email brought tears to me eyes. Thank you for such a special letter and for understanding. Today, you are my happy accident!

Weekly Horoscope For All You Cancers!

Yippeeeee...spiritual permission to be a complete slacker! I can definitely get behind that! {{giggles}}

CANCER (June 21-July 22): One of the best-selling books in France in
recent months has been *Bonjour Paresse,* or "Hello Laziness." The
author, Corinne Maier, encourages employees to perfect the art of
goofing off on the job. In the coming week, Cancerian, you should follow
her advice not only at work but in every area of your life. I admire you for
being so conscientious and putting so much effort into everything you do,
but you're way overdue for some major slacking off. I'll go so far as to
say that you have a *spiritual need* to vegetate. This is one time when
you'll get my blessing if you decide to sit in a comfortable chair and
daydream of nothing in particular as you watch the wind blow.

He's Such A Good Boy

River was whining and I thought it was just because he wanted attention: But then I heard the pitter-patter and crunching of feet walking on the potty-pad. Sure enough, River was doing the poo-poo circles. I scooped him up; took him outside and he did his business.

He's such a good puppy!

A Pouty-Angry Moment

The wedding was amazing. Princess was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen and looked every bit her moniker. Tool Man was so dashing, and glowed every time he looked at his gorgeous bride.

I did have another pouty-angry moment. I've come to realize that living with a broken brain is much like having a baby. It's no longer easy to just pick up and go; everything takes a little extra planning and preparation.

I knew I would be outside most of the day and planned for that, but totally forgot about the heat factor. Partly, because the weather has been wonderful; and partly, because I still like to block this stuff out. An hour before leaving for the wedding I realized I needed to bring a few extra things to help keep me cool. I H A T E the blue bandanna cooling thingie that I have. It is so NOT fashionable and doesn't go with pink, my favorite color.

So, I pouted; Turtle loved me; and all was better with the world.

Princess & Tool Man Wed

Well, the big day is finally here! Princess and Tool Man get married today and Turtle is officiating the ceremony. I'm so excited and happy for them! Turtle has been busy writing the ceremony for a couple of days. I've seen parts of it but not all of it, cuz he wants it to be a surprise for everyone. What I have seen so far indicates that the ceremony will be just the right balance of funny and sappy sentimentality. Perfect for a Luau themed wedding by the side of a pool.

Oh yeah, on the invite it clearly states that anyone not properly attired in Hawaiian wear is getting thrown in the pool. Buffy came over last night, took one look at my outfit and said I'm going in the pool! UGH! And here I thought I had done a good job picking out a nice casual outfit!! Maybe I still have time to shop? It's only 9:00 am.

I'm off to pick-up the bride's bouquet. I'm sure I'll have pictures to post later!

Stupidly Fascinating

I'm curious as to why I feel compelled to watch a television show that I think is completely ridiculous. It's ridiculous to the point that I scream at the television pointing out how completely stupid it is. Yet, it sucks me in E V E R Y single time!! Even when it's on W A Y past my bedtime.

Does anyone else hate CSI as much as I do?

Sick and Wrong

Not only am I getting used to cold showers, but I'm beginning to enjoy them! Oh, what has happened to me? Ummm...my brain broke, yup that's what happened!

I'm not yet ready to declare cold showers a Happy Accident, but I'm contemplating it.

OUCH, there goes River chewing on my toes again! They're not toys River leave them alone!!

Happy Birthday Turtle

Today is the day that marks the birth of my love. I'm so blessed that he was born and is a part of my life.

Today's Happy Accident: Honoring the births of the ones I love!

PS - River's new favorite past time is biting toes. I'm currently watching the retched beastie and giving Turtle's toes a break. {{giggles}}

Day Two...

...of fake it 'til you make it. This is all part of my "Never give up. Never surrender" motto. I figure I just need to suck things up and fake it until I'm where I want to be.

Two days and getting ready for a third...I think I can, I think I can...

Never Give Up. Never Surrender.

I'm a huge fan of life quotes. My primary life quote for the past few years is, "Today is a good day to die." Which reminds me to confront my fears.

Yesterday as I watch the walkers a new one started percolating in my head, "Never give up. Never surrender." It's from Galaxy Quest, one of the funniest movies ever made, btw!

This morning I'm feeling like maybe I over did it a little yesterday. I have a "To Do" list that must be accomplished today. So, I'm repeating to myself, "Never give up. Never Surrender," and pushing through the pain.

Another Happy Accident: Discovering a new life quote. Although, this one will be secondary cuz my primary one is still needed.

Volunteering With Mommy

I had a wonderful mommy/daughter day volunteering at the MS Challenge yesterday. I was the checker and course guide at a refeuling station and got too meet a lot of the walkers. It felt good to thank them because I felt like, in a way, they were walking to help me--a total stranger. How cool is that?

I had fun watching mommy cheer the walkers on into the refueling station and check point. She is truly wonderful and remarkable!

Today's Happy Accident: Complete strangers walking to help find a cure for my broken brain!

Word of the Day

Dictionary.com/Word of the Day: disport

Disport, what a groovy word. Now I'm going to need to think of a good sentence to use it in.

Website Remodel

Yeah, Turtle finally finished the redisgn of my website. He gets an extra big hug and kiss because I nagged him so much about it.

I hope you all like it. Now you don't have to click the daily journal link, just go to www.LunaFemme.com and everything is right there for you.

love, love, love to everyone!

A New Tattoo

My very own Fairie.

Another Hot Day

Okay, I know it's hot when I wake up sweating! It's 4:45 am and already 70 degrees out with 90% humidity. I think it's going to be a scorcher again.

I wish I had River's exuberance for the mornings! He's just so darn excited to go potty and play at 4:00 am. Obviously he's retarded and doesn't know that it's WAY to early to be conscious.

I think I'm finally getting sick of my own whining about the heat, I'm sure you've got to be!

The Ass-attack Strategy

River has devised an ass-attack strategy when attempting to play with Boy. It’s quite hysterical. Instead of attacking Boy straight on, he scuddles towards him sideways and then jumps towards Boy’s face and twist so his ass is first. I guess he figures this way Boy can’t smack him on the head, which has been Boy’s typical response to the canine usurper. Since River really can’t get very close to Boy for a good one-on-one fistfight, he has taken to biting his tail. I’m pleased to share that Boy and River are starting to play together, albeit tentatively. And, I’m further pleased to disclose that Boy has finally begun to kick River’s ass! Now if Cirque would only stop running from him and show him whose boss, maybe we could all be on big happy family. Am I a mean mommy??

Today’s Happy Accident: Puppy breath!

Living With A Broken Brain

I’m beginning to hate all the “living” with a broken brain literature. Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! I don’t want to LIVE with this; I just want it to go away. Instead everyday I’m reminded that my brain is broken. Every morning I mark the start of a new day with my heptagonal shaped pill organizer. Every night I mark the end of the day with my daily injection. I can’t get away from it and I can’t even pull an ostrich for a few days because of my daily medications.

The Heat Canary

I’m dubbing myself the heat canary. Instead of releasing me into a mineshaft to test for oxygen, I can walk into a room and tell you how hot it is by how fast my left hand goes numb and the world starts to spin.

Pouting

Yes, I’m still pouting. Yet another day with no air conditioning at work! I was cooked in a 100-degree oven that is supposedly my office. At least today management rented these huge blower thingies with tubing jutting forth blasting cooler air. They look like robots from a really bad 50’s sci-fi flick. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! I forget that robots name, but you get the idea.

Wilting Flower

I am a wilted flower thirsting for a draught of cool water to bring me back to life.

Happiness = anxiety

Turtle went to a Padres game with some of the guys. It's the first time I've been home with River all by my lonesome. I must say, it is quite exhausting not letting a 10-week old puppy out of sight! I will be happy when River is potty trained.

The heat is still miserable. I was looking forward to work just for the air conditioning. As it turns out, there was a power outage over the weekend and the AC never kicked back on. I was in sweltering heat for over an hour before the AC was fixed. I ended up coming home early because that intense heat just wiped me out, again.

Finally, River has conked out. He has two speeds, Hyper drive and off with nothing in between.

I'm trying to figure out why I've been so despondent the last few days, I'm sure the heat is part of it. I feel a little better today, but still fairly anxious. In a weird way some of my anxiety is because I'm happy, or at least feeling secure and stable. It feels like life has given me so much good stuff, along with hurling me some real crap this year. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, and based upon everything that has happened this year, it’ll probably fall HARD!

Just another one of those fucked up conundrums....being happy causes anxiety. Sheesh...I really need to stop thinking so much.

Anyway, I'm just going to turn this all over to whatever is greater than myself and know that all will work out, as it should.

Today's Happy Accident: Discovering the wonders and joys of fairies.

Heat

I’ve been having a hard time finding happy accidents the last few days. The oppressive heat suffocates me, much the way the blackness of depression does. I await a cool breeze to life the heat on my heart and take away the infirmity of my body.

I've come to hate the heat; it makes me so weak physically; emotionally; spiritually. I hate my broken brain!

Dreaming

Sometimes I feel like I’m sleeping through life. I wake up and wonder, “How did I get here?” I have flashes of images in mind that form an incomprehensible puzzle of my dreams. Walking through a dream rich fog to the spot were I momentarily wake up, only to drift back to sleep again and dream more.

MS Challenge & River Update

My mommy and I have signed up to volunteer for the MS Challenge next weekend. I think it will be fun to get a team together and actually DO the challenge next year. I feel grateful that there is a non-profit organization that has made such a huge impact in MS research and helping people with MS. Check out the site to learn more about this super cool event. www.mymschallenge.com.

I’m feeling so guilty about how unhappy my kitties are! Cirque has thrown up several times when River got near her. She’ll only cuddle with me when I’m in bed and River is in his crate. Boy and Cirque didn’t eat for two days. I knew the adjustment would be rough, I didn’t think it would make me feel so guilty! Uggghhhh!

We took River to the vet yesterday for a check-up. The doctor was very complimentary of him, and of course everyone in the office ooohhhed and aaahhed and fed him lots of treats. River had it easy this time but next time, he gets the needle!

Today’s Happy Accident: Sharing the joy of loving my new puppy.