So Long 2004

YYYiiipppppeeeeee…it's the last day of 2004, which will go down in my annuals as one of the most difficult years I've ever had. So, it is with much joy that I am saying goodbye to 2004 and hello to 2005.

As I breath a sigh of relief that 2004 is over and reflect upon the challenges and adversity, I can’t help but feel truly grateful, thankful, and somewhat victorious that I survived! Even though it’s been an incredibly hard year, I wouldn’t change a single experience or event if given the chance to do it over. I’m thankful for my broken brain and all the love, joy, peace, strength, insights, etc. that has been a direct result of it. Thank you Universe!

So, goodbye 2004 and thanx for everything: Even though I’m grateful to you, I can’t say that I’m sad you’re leaving.

Today’s Happy Accident: This whole year!

CNN.com - Asia quake death toll tops 23,000 - Dec 27, 2004

CNN.com - Asia quake death toll tops 23,000 - Dec 27, 2004

My heart aches.

Coincidence or not? You Decide.

I get diagnosed with MS a few months ago and lo' and behold I start receiving shit from End-of-Life Choices, formerly The Hemlock Society USA.

Okay, I know my brain is broken and I think it's really cool an organization like this exists but I'm a far cry from needing them anytime soon!

Besides, how the heck did I get on their mailing list?? I truly hope that this is a coincidence and I'm not receiving this stuff in association with my MS diagnosis and subsequent involvement with different MS non-profits! That's just a little too creepy for me!!!

Horror Flick on Christmas Day

I really want to start a tradition of seeing a horror flick on Christmas Day. I love movies with horror flicks being close to my favorite genre, so it encompasses two of my favorites things on a day filled with love, so the movie isn't AS scary.

Anyway, we just went and saw Darkness. It didn't elicit any screams out of me, which is how I tend to judge horror movies. So it was sorta a dude on the scary side but marginally entertaining. It is definitly a "save your money and wait for it to come out in video" movie.

Happy Accidents

I got 2 copies of it for Christmas!! Know I have 2 copies of the movie that has helped inspire me so much in dealing with the issues associated with my broken brain.

Today's Happy Accident: The movie "Happy Accidents"

I'm and X-Box Widow

Our good friends Princess and Tool Man wanted the same thing Turtle and I did (well, really Turtle): A X-Box adapter to connect to X-Box live. Now the three of them can be miles and miles and miles away and play Halo II, along with 400,000 other people all over the world.

Turtle is getting bleary eyed and I think we've only exchanged a few sentences since he hooked it all up. That might be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point!

Food For A Broken Brain

One of the issues with having a broken brain is pesky little cognitive concerns. For instance, I forget things in a weird way, with a new level of frequency. So, I've been feeding my broken brain with crossword puzzles, which in general I suck at! However, I learned that the key to solving a crossword puzzle is a crossword puzzle dictionary. Now, I ROCK at crosswords. Okay, so I'm still pretty suckie but at least they're less frustrating and way more fun. I can even solve them without cheating anymore {{giggles}}.

Today's Happy Accident: Feeding my broken brain.

I'm Engaged!!

It's official, Turtle and I are engaged. Here's an excerpt from an email he sent that explains how it happened a little earlier than planned {{giggles}}:

"Well this was supposed to wait until Christmas Day,
but once the small box was under the tree Trish
couldn't stand waiting and basically drove me nuts
until I gave in and let her open her gift. So we are officially engaged
a tad earlier than planned :)"

So, basically he thought he was going to torment me all week, but I tormented him more {{giggles}}. Actually, I started "driving him nuts" because he did such a good acting job saying things like "...don't get your hopes up." "...I'm getting worried that you're going to be disappointed." and "...maybe you should open it before Christmas so you're not let down."

See, if he had just been satisfied with the little box tormenting me and hadn't piled the psychological abuse on top of that, I probably could've been more patient. Okay, I'm laughing at myself with that delusion, but hey, justification is the key to happiness!

Today's Happy Accident: Tempting little boxes that led to impatience; and hence, got me engaged 5 days earlier than intended!

My Hombody Spirit

I've been socializing a little more lately and having fun. It's really easy for me to fall into a homebody life style and become a little reclusive. Typically, I'm happiest when I'm curled up in bed reading a great book, with my beasties cuddled up with me.

Of course River has graduated to sleeping in bed with us, and much to my surprise Cirque tolerates him. The general sleeping peeking order is: River sleeps on my left (between Turtle and myself); Cirque sleeps under the covers between my legs; and Boy cuddles up on my right. Life just doesn't get much better. Me, Turtle, and the beasties: snuggly warm, vegging, and safe from all that is outside of us.

But, it feels good to be getting out and about again. I think it's time to come out of my shell and begin to play a little again.

Happy Accident To Celebrate: Joyous gatherings. Celebrating with old friends and making new ones.

Losing My Broken Brain

I have not been able to find my favorite pair of work shoes this week. Can someone tell me how it is possible to lose a pair of shoes?? They H A V E to be here in the house, somewhere, right? I've torn the house apart, upteen million times and I still can't find them!

Along that same vein...I've also managed to lose my wallet two times in the last week and a half! Thankfully, I've found it both times, but GEEZ...ya think I'd have learned some sort of the lesson the first time around. Actually, the last time I vaguely remember losing my wallet was back in high school.

hhhmmm.....maybe I'm losing my broken brain?

Intriguing Horoscope

Ooohh....I like the sounds of this one!

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Over the centuries, numerous ships carrying
treasure have suffered mishaps and sunk to the bottom of the world's
oceans. Most have remained there undisturbed, their gold and jewels
seemingly lost forever. In the last decade, though, teams of treasure
hunters have developed high-tech recovery equipment that allows them
to locate and extract the sunken riches. I believe that there will be a
comparable development in your life in the coming months, Cancerian.
You'll find ways to access valuables from the past--stuff you had always
assumed was irretrievable. Your first project will become apparent soon.
Here are a few symbolic holiday gifts you might consider buying yourself:
sonar, a diving suit, a treasure chest.

Meandering the pathways of my broken brain

You would think that because medical science can’t tell me what caused my broken brain that I could live fairly quilt free with it. On the contrary, I find myself wondering what I’ve done to cause it and how much of an idiot I’m going to feel like when they finally figure it out.

<> Sometimes I’ll pause momentarily as I’m eating a piece of chocolate and wondering if this delicious addiction is the cause. I remember all the potentially “bad” things I’ve done to my body: the times I’ve taken diet pills; starved myself; drank a bottle of Goldschlager; slept too much; didn’t sleep enough. Could any of these things have caused my brain to break?

Or maybe it’s something else, something that is so much a part of my everyday habits that I don’t even consider the behavior too be potentially lethal? <> I know this is a specious line of thought. I don’t indulge myself in it often, but from time to time, I just can’t help meandering down this twisting path.

Centered

Today's Happy Accident has been an easy one. Today I've been celebrating that I'm beginning to feel, not just centered, but my center. And, I'm feeling the beginning tingles of peace there.

It feels good to have a sense of myself and my place in the world...this is something that I feel like I lost sight of in December of 2000. So, again, I'm thankful for my broken brain for helping find this place within myself, which hopefully, helps me see my place in the World and my path towards peace.

Happy Thanksgiving World

Okay, so I'm a few weeks late. {{giggles}} I hope you'll forgive me! Most of my immediate family actually managed to be in the same state, in the same city, and under the same roof for Thanksgiving this year. It was wonderful!! I can't remember the last time my family gathered and celebrated with one another.

Not a lot has happened the last few weeks, but I've had so many Happy Accidents that I've been bursting to share and haven't taken time to blog about. So, here are my highlights.

On Thanksgiving I was thankful for my broken brain and all the gifts it has brought me so far. Of which, the two most important have been 1) the incredible outpouring of love and support from my family and friends; and 2) the incredible outpouring of love and support from complete strangers. I've been playing the pass-it forward game with random acts of kindness because this has been so powerful in my life.

Biggest Happy Accident of all-time: Mommy was in a car accident that has done close to $10,000 worth of damage to her car; and she walked away without so much as a scratch!! Thank you Universe, God, Angels, Fairies, Budha, etc...for keeping my mommy safe.

Life is normalizing, which seems like a happy accident or at least something to celebrate.

Happy Accident: Laughter and smiles, when they've been MIA. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

There have been so many more but this is it for now.

My heart has been bursting with love and joy -- I hope yours has been as well!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY

My heart overflows with love for the one whom brought me life. Every day I celebrate that I was born to you, whether by cosmic design or happy accident.

Love,
Trish